January 27, 2014 (Monday)
The mystery of the Loch Ness monster has been solved. There is no monster. There are only under-surface water currents that resemble water sloshing in a pail. Loch Ness is a long narrow body of water resembling a giant bathtub. Doubtless all of us have sloshed the water by moving about in the tub. The Loch Ness is so deep (over700 feet), densities at different levels vary. Temperatures vary according to density. As the wind blow, the water on the surface is stirred, creating waves, in turn stirring the waters below. As clouds above the lake vary, so do reflections in the water. As currents move, they occasionally stir up dead logs, etc., which briefly come to the surface. That’s what we are seeing. No monster. H-m-m, I betcha those guys don’t believe in Santa Claus, either. Some people just want to rain on everyone’s parade.
Oh, and the bigfoot/sasquatch mystery? Well, now it can be told. He was taken home by a suburban family and took the name, “Harry.” They made a movie about it to convince the public that the idea is myth, but it’s really a true story. He’s a good-natured critter who destroys homes if invited to dinner, but the damage is accidental. He wouldn’t harm a fly.
I no longer fear monsters thanks to the amazing documentary and exposè by Disney Pixar which proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that monsters who slip into little kid’s rooms at night are actually “the good guys.”
There you have it, friends. Science has dissolved our fears and shown us the way to happiness. So, sleep well, Junior, there is no monster under your bed. …Junior? JUNIOR!? JU-NYOR-R??!! Junior, where are you. This isn’t funny. ..junior..?
Well, anyway the Loch Ness paragraph is true. I know. I saw it on TV.