Remember the press secretary’s “That explanation is no longer applicable?”
August 6, 2007 (Monday) – A new cliche has arrived: “The Nose Grows.” It’s the columnist’s way of saying, “He or she keeps on lying.” In order to understand the cliche without its having to be explained, one needs to know the story of Pinnochio, the toy made of wood that wanted to be a real live little boy. His nose got bigger every time he lied.
The cliche is tailor-made for the Washington columnist, who has a long list of people who have an occasional lapse of veracity. Perhaps you recall the press secretary’s straight-faced answer, when a reporter asked about a previous contradictory statement, “That explanation is no longer applicable!” “The nose grows” says it all.
Actually, our noses are growing, and continue to do so as long as we live. I just found that out today, although, with my prominent proboscis, I have suspected it all along. This fact was revealed to us by a forensic artist in Houston, who is an expert at identifying people and creating artistic reproductions with slim evidence. She said it in a story about the sailor whose picture of his kissing a nurse in Times Square at the end of World War II made the cover of Life Magazine in 1945. Now 80 years old, a Houston man claims that he’s the guy in the picture, and the Houston Police Department artist agrees. “The only difference,” she said, “is the nose, and your nose grows as long as you live.”
So, my nose is growing, my hair is disappearing, and my stomach is protruding. Not to mention the signs of aging you can’t see: the geriatric symptoms that people my age experience, and, oh, how we love to talk about them. And, oh yes, I almost forgot, the heart problem. Makes you want to sing, “Darling, we are growing old,” doesn’t it? Since we can’t undo the aging process, we celebrate it.
Robert Browning wrote, “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made.” The Bible compliments senior citizens with its proverb, “Gray hair is a crown of splendor (Proverbs 16:31 NIV).” God commands the young, ‘Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD (Leviticus 19:32 NIV).”
A verse from an anonymous poem jokes about it:
“How do I know that my youth is all spent?
My get-up and go has got-up and went
But in spite of it all I am able to grin
When I think of where my get-up has been!”
Another humorous verse about aging, without the name of the author:
“My forgetter’s getting better
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke”
(I didn’t forget the names of the authors. I never knew them. If you
know who they are, please let me know).