April 25, (Sunday)
This is the eighth of nine blogs on “Personal Problems in Life: Feelings of Anxiety, Loneliness, Depression, Anger, Guilt, Inferiority, Grief, Hostility, and Feelings Associated with Sickness.””
Never in my lifetime has our nation been so divided over opinions so strong that friendships have ended as each person takes a side in the war of hostilities that we face every day. Pick a subject and you are likely to discover that 50% believe one way and 50% believe the other. People who had been friends all their lives have come to a point where they do not even speak to one another. This blog today is an effort to “head those feelings off at the pass.”
I have steadfastly distanced myself from political commentary of any kind on this blog. I have maintained this stance as a pastor before beginning to write this blog fourteen years ago. I followed that guideline in my preaching, reasoning that any given congregation more than likely has in it adherents of every possible political viewpoint. Feelings run deep when it comes to politics or religion. If I find myself in a situation where controversy cannot be avoided, I fall back upon some principles that were made known to me many years ago.
When I worked as a department clerk for General Motors in Arlington, Texas, in 1955, one of my jobs was to relieve the production foremen, general foremen, and Department Superintendent of having to deal with so much paperwork. Management personnel were required to take a “Dale Carnegie Course,” in which the principles laid out in the book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” (1937, 2003) were taught. The material in the course had little if anything to do with the assembly of automobiles, which was the purpose of the plant in which we worked, but had much to do with how people interact. And that interaction affected the production of automobiles.
Each participant in the course was given a card that displayed these principles. One of those who had attended gave me his card. I have kept it all these years as a reminder to apply the suggested guidelines in my daily life as a pastor. Sad to say, I fail to observe these principles at times, but they remain as my goals on how to get along with people and avoid feelings of hostility.
Here are the principles required to be a leader, according to Dale Carnegie:
1 – Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2 – Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3 – Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4 – Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5 – Let the other person save face.
6 – Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
7 – Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8 – Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9 – Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
It seems to me that these suggestions are merely a list of common sense ways of interacting with others, whether they be employees, employers, church members, family members, colleagues, coworkers, clients or anyone else with whom you will share conversations about how to do things, and how to think them through. In and through all these principles there is one overriding concept: respect for others. (Click here to read the entire book online).
Jesus cut to the heart of the matter when he told us to love God first of all, and to love others as we love ourselves. He put all of the above into one great motto for life: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” You could do no better than this if requested to summarize The Ten Commandments.
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running, to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there
You’ve got a friend
YOU’VE GOT A FRIEND
Carol King
1971
When you’re down and troubled
And you need some love and care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running, to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there
You’ve got a friend
If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you’ll hear me knocking at your door
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running, running, yeah, yeah, to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes, I will
Now, ain’t it good to know that you’ve got a friend
When people can be so cold?
They’ll hurt you, yes, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them, oh, but don’t you let them
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I’ll come running, running, yeah, yeah, to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I’ll be there, yes, I will
You’ve got a friend
You’ve got a friend
Ain’t it good to know you’ve got a friend?
Ain’t it good to know, ain’t it good to know, ain’t it good to know
You’ve got a friend?
Oh yeah now, you’ve got a friend
Yeah baby, you’ve got a friend
Oh yeah, you’ve got a friend
Time marches on. Would you believe this song was written 50 years ago?